So long, Calgary!

Two months in, I told Ryan, “Now I know, and we can leave anytime you want. We can go wherever you would like.” 

Moving back to the place I thought I knew was harder than I could have ever imagined. And what’s worse, I made it hard on myself with the expectations I didn’t even know I had. There have been times I deeply regretted our decision but I would have always wondered about living here again. Now that I know, it’s an idea that I can put to rest.

That being said, there have been many bright spots that came with the move - everyone has been incredibly welcoming and so generous, getting to see family and some friends with increased frequency, introducing Ryan to more people from various phases of my life, making a few new friends, reconnecting with friends from grade school days, getting back my ski legs after a knee surgery, and getting out to explore new places is always fun. And, maybe most importantly, our relationship survived the stressors of an interprovincial move and his return to post secondary as an adult - hurrah! 

What was highlighted to me through this move was the staggering difference of life choices that my long time friends circle had made versus what I had chosen for myself. I had known this from a logical standpoint but to get back to Calgary and experience it first hand was very different. I would venture to say that I have been intentional and secure in my choices and yet when I got into the middle of what is considered to be the traditional choices, I felt alien and insecure. I was the friend who was almost 40 without a house in the ‘burbs, a renter, childfree (or childless depending on who you talk to), spending disposable income on outdoor gear (yes, I need another bike), uninterested in hockey arena get-togethers and now, giving up a corporate job to move to a small town in the mountains as promotions and increased earning potential came to others. I had to often remind myself that these “traditional” things were never things on my radar. When I was in grade 12, we were asked to predict our futures in 10 years and when asked about marriage and kids and location, my answers were respectively: “single or newly wed” and “N/A” and “anywhere but Red Deer.” Where I have landed is actually not a surprise so why the heck did I have this feeling of being alien!? And why was I insecure!?  

Sure, “comparison is the thief of joy” but it wasn’t just the comparison. It was the difference in schedule and lifestyle. My weekends would be open to explore and the friends I expected to be available were busy with their families or the families they had befriended through their kids. My friends who didn’t have kids were busy with the social circles they had built up in my 7 year absence. I had several “reconnection dates” that never saw a second or attempts to connect were unsuccessful due to timing. And it wasn’t just them who changed, it was me too - what I valued and what I wanted has changed drastically in the last number of years. It felt as if I was left to start over and it was a bit of a shock given I had moved back to settle back into the community I thought I knew. The fact is, it was no one’s fault but my own given I had these built up expectations and ideas. I had based these ideas on the feeling of elation and the emotional hangover I would have after our visits back to Alberta or Fernie when we lived in Vancouver and had anticipated it would translate to our “real life” when we arrived. 

As we packed up to leave, I have been giving some real thought to what I will do differently on this next adventure. We have both committed to keeping an open mind and to let go of as many expectations as we can. As the past has taught me, moving is hard and there will be an adjustment period that is lonely but almost always very worth it. Being open to all of the experiences while not always easy, have been amazing and we have agreed that if we didn’t take them, we’d always wonder and we'd rather find out.  As one of my new colleagues just said to me - this is pretty low risk, you can always move again or find another job, and I agree. For anyone wondering if we plan on settling in Jasper, the truth is, we don’t know so you best book your visit while we are there!

We were sorry to go without some sort of celebration but this move doesn’t feel like a good-bye. I suspect it’ll get more visitors than Lethbridge but perhaps less than Vancouver. A big thank you to the astounding generosity of our friends and our family! We look forward to welcoming you to Jasper when you come to visit! (When not if!)